Category Archives: Parenthood

Days of Dr. Seuss

I know I’m a day late with a Dr. Seuss post.  But with our snow day yesterday, I assume that local schools will be honoring the author’s birthday today.  During my daughter’s elementary school years, it was a big deal, indeed.  Everyone brought in their favorite Dr. Seuss books.  Children, teachers and staff dressed up.  There would be an army of Things 1 and 2, and Cats-in-Hats by the dozens roaming the halls.  My daughter and I tried to find a character for her that wouldn’t be over-represented. 

For the 100th Birthday celebration in 2004, we succeeded. 

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 Can you guess? 

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Does this help? 

Probably not.  My daughter returned home somewhat downcast because no one recognized her character.  When she was in Kindergarten, she was neither skilled at winking nor bold enough to tell people who she meant to be. 

We thought it was so clear.  Obviously, she’s a Yink.  The Yink from One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish.  Maybe you don’t have a lot of ink.  Because if you do, you should get a Yink.  Dr. Seuss, of course, says it best: 

This one, I think, is called a Yink.

He likes to wink. 

He likes to drink. 

He likes to drink, and drink, and drink.

The thing he likes to drink is ink.

The ink he likes to drink is pink.

He likes to wink and drink pink ink.

SO. . .

If you have a lot of ink,

then you should get

a Yink, I think. 

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The Yink pages from One Fish Two Fish, as colored by my daughter at age five. 

A couple of years later, we opted for a more mainstream character.

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This time, we took no chances.  In case the reindeer horn, the floppy dog ears and the furry shirt rang no bells, my daughter wrote “Max” in big letters on the red collar.

Today, with a vague pang of regret, I notice that my daughter left for school dressed in the typical clothes of a sixteen-year old urban American girl.  My Yink has grown up (thanks to all that healthy pink ink).  My little dog Max is no longer so little. 

Maybe you look back with fondness on a time when you outfitted a small Fox-in-Sox, a Horton, a Lorax, or a Sam-I-Am.  Perhaps you kissed your Sneetch or Little Cindy Lou Who goodbye this very morning.  Maybe you worked for weeks crafting an amazing Green Eggs and Ham Costume.  Whatever the case, may your day be enlivened by the light-hearted, fresh-faced wisdom of Dr. Seuss. 

So. . .

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,

you’re off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So. . .get on your way!

–Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

Blasts from a Past February: The Blizzard of 2003

Ever since we moved to our home in Northern Virginia in 2001, February has been the month of snow, snow and more snow.  We experienced our first Virginia blizzard in 2003, when twenty inches of the white stuff accumulated on February 15 – 16, just before Presidents’ Day.  The timing was optimal:  a weekend, with no one stranded at work or school.  We knew it was coming; we had time to prepare.   

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Our daughter was in preschool, so there were no worries about schoolwork piling up.  There were no crucial extracurricular activities for her to miss.  She was overjoyed with the snow, even though it was so deep she couldn’t really walk in it.  These were the days when she wore her little red snow suit and could still fit into her baby swing.   

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For my husband, these were pre-snow blower years.  He used a plow attachment for his old riding mower to clear our driveway and the big concrete expanse that later became a real back yard.  (See here.)  That weekend, he plowed every few hours, but it was still difficult to keep ahead of the rapidly falling snow.  My parents were visiting from Atlanta, and their red Camry station wagon is mounded with snow.  They used to drive up every six weeks or so to spend time with their only grandchild.  This trip was extended a bit beyond their liking due to the depth of the snow.  They hadn’t seen this much snow since my babyhood in Kentucky. 

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Plowing complete, our old porch was enclosed in its own snow fort. 

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Our daughter had the great pleasure of playing in the snow with her favorite “big girl” friend, Ashley, who lived next door.  Ashley was D’s beloved babysitter, and our daughter couldn’t spend enough time with her.  Why don’t you and Daddy go out to dinner?  Go see a movie, too.  Ashley can stay with me!   D tried to act as though she was sorry to see us go, but she couldn’t wave us out of the house fast enough.  Ashley, now married to a Marine and living in Okinawa, was sixteen at the time, the same age D is now.  Gulp. 

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Another unexpected benefit of the blizzard was that it kept H at home that week.  For several years he essentially lived in Cleveland from  Monday through Thursday.  The storm canceled flights and kept him in Virginia.  Here, he and D make Swedish pancakes just the way Grandma Olga taught him.   

I must remember: good things may happen when it snows.   

Sick of February Yet?

This month is notorious. Fortunately it’s the shortest. Here in Northern Virginia, as in much of the country, February is all about the snow, or all about the cold, or the wind. Or some uncomfortable combination of the three.  I’m trying not to complain. I know it could be worse. I could live in Boston, Buffalo or Sioux Falls. But the frigid whiteness of this mid-Atlantic winter has lost its luster. It has become tiresome. 

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Here in our area, the last half of the month is the worst. The week before and after Presidents’ Day tends to usher in our deepest snows and fiercest cold snaps.   The best-laid plans crumble. Why do we continue to make plans in February?

This year a mini-blizzard roared in on the evening of Saturday the 14th at 6:30, a dirty little trick on diligent Valentine date-nighters. Within minutes, all was white, the air and ground alike. Snow piled up and swirled wildly as the wind howled and the temperature dropped to zero.  Typically, in the face of such weather, I would happily retreat to the warmth of the sofa with a movie. But my husband was out of town (that’s another story), my daughter had two parties to attend, and I had said yes to a neighborhood gathering. All activities, unfortunately, required driving.  My focus for the evening shifted from enjoyment to getting out and back without injury or incident. When I picked up my daughter and a friend from their final party, the snow-coated roads glittered with chunks of ice resembling broken glass. When the tires lost traction at an especially slick intersection and the anti-lock brakes kicked in to no avail, luckily we were the only car around.  

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The following icy, windy Sunday morning, Kiko and I suffered through possibly the most miserable dog walk ever. (No matter how inhospitable the weather, my fastidious little dog requires three walks a day for his mental and physical health. See here.) I wondered if we should brave the roads for church.  A blinking light on the answer machine put that worry to rest: church was canceled, despite special preparations for a one-of-a-kind community children’s service.

Monday, Presidents’ Day, was a holiday and day off school. We managed to get in a dentist appointment for my daughter before more snow began falling steadily that afternoon. Storm Watch Accu-Weather-on-Your Side teams were breathless: this storm would be the Big One. No doubt there was not a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread to be had on any grocery shelf in the DC metro area.

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We got snow, perhaps six inches or so. It was too bad that H wouldn’t be around to clear our long driveway with the powerful snow blower he bought after the blizzards of 2009 and ’10. As a boy growing up in Rochester, New York, he made money shoveling driveways and the occasional roof. He dreamed of one day owning a truly prodigious snow blower. That dream had come true, but once the big red contraption took its place in our garage (alongside a variety of mowers and other items for suburban lawn and garden maintenance), the snows stopped. Last year they resumed, in a big way.  On most powdery white mornings H is out with his monster of a machine. He clears our driveway; he clears neighbors’ driveways. He’s a local Snow Day hero.

But this time he wasn’t here. I have to say it: he was in Aruba, perfecting a windsurfing move, the elusive jibe, a complicated change of direction done while continuing to skim the water. It was something he’d been wanting to do for years.  It required perfect conditions, namely strong, steady wind, which can’t be found just anywhere. We’d agreed that he should take the long Presidents’ Day weekend and just do it. But I hadn’t considered that he was leaving D and me here to face the dastardly February weather on our own.

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H suggested we FaceTime him so he could coach D on using the snow blower.  He’d shown her how to work it last winter, but the details were hazy. Numerous attempts to start it up failed.  We were about to give up when H realized that one little knob wasn’t turned in the right direction.  That done, the machine roared to life and D set off down the driveway. Thank goodness she’s her father’s daughter.

And while the accumulation wasn’t as dramatic as expected, it was more than enough to shut us down. Further cancellations rolled in. No school on Tuesday. No Fat Tuesday Pancake Supper at our church. No school Wednesday, and no Ash Wednesday service at our church and many others.

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That was just the first series of February snow cancellations. Since then, they’ve continued, requiring the ongoing reshuffling of plans. Today, for example, with snow beginning early this morning, school was first delayed, then canceled an hour later. With so many days off school, extra-curricular activities are postponed repeatedly.  Rescheduling is tricky, as events pile atop one another. During my daughter’s elementary school years, snow days for her were exactly that: unstructured free days to play in the snow. Now they involve the stress of wondering if and when the student-directed One-Acts will take place.  How will they impact previously scheduled activities? And then there’s the thorny problem of when to do AP World reading and pre-calculus problems when there’s a beautiful snow on the ground and friends who want to take the day off to meet for lunch in town.

Oh, February, aren’t you over yet?

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Key West: Getting There Was Not Half the Fun

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You’ve probably heard what a life-enhancing pleasure it is to drive from Miami down to the Keys.  That Route 1A drive is a perennial bucket list favorite.  You know the comments.  You may have heard them uttered with a breathless urgency and a firm shoulder grip for sincerity:  You have to do the drive.  To really experience the Keys, you simply must!

And it always sounded wonderful.  That the Keys are reachable by road strikes me as a near miracle.  Yes, I could see our family cruising along that narrow ribbon, the Overseas Highway.  We’d shoot South, South, South, warm wind in our hair, the glistening blue Atlantic stretching out around us.  We’d drive until we could go no further, and then we’d look across the water toward Cuba.  Yes, we must do that drive.   But first we had to get to Miami.

Our trip began inauspiciously.  We were running a tad behind schedule when we arrived at Dulles Airport.  The agent at the counter eyed us pointedly, looking as though we’d slighted him in some malicious way.  He rolled his eyes, sighed mournfully and scolded:  You better hurry if you want to make your flight.  My husband, who travels frequently and was certain we had more than enough time, was silently indignant.  Of course, when we reached the gate, we had plenty of time.  There’s always ample time, it seems, to wait at the gate for boarding. 

The flight to Miami was, thankfully, uneventful.  At baggage claim, my bag and H’s were among the first to plop onto the carousel.  We waited, and waited, but there was no sign of our daughter’s suitcase.  You know the thought process:  No need to worry; it will appear soon.  Let’s be patient.  Then suddenly, patience is serving no purpose.  There’s clearly a problem.  Everyone else from our flight has picked up their bags and moved on. 

We moved on to the lost luggage counter.  After some investigation, the agent told us that D’s bag seemed to be on its way to Los Angeles.  Or somewhere else.  Definitely somewhere besides Miami.  My husband suspected foul play on the part of that snippy Dulles ticket agent.  He imagined the man’s spiteful thoughts:  This will teach you to be on time!  I’ll send your daughter’s blue paisley roller bag on the ride of its life!  And you, Sir, are responsible!

D’s bag would be tracked down and retrieved, the luggage lady assured us.  And it would be delivered to our hotel.  D was crestfallen, of course.  She’d packed her suitcase so carefully.  Each item had been thoughtfully, painstakingly chosen.  It had taken all day and had been accompanied by much hand-wringing and stress.  I understand.  Every time I pack, this thought loop runs through my mind:  Is it really worth it?  Can’t we just stay home? I don’t have room for all these shoes! Should we pack rain jackets, or just hope for the best?  I can’t take it.  I think I’m getting sick. 

As we packed, D and I had discussed the dreaded “what if” of a lost bag.  It had happened to H during a Caribbean vacation.  He’d worn the same long-sleeved white T-shirt for several days straight, prompting comments by some of the staff at the resort.  When his bag finally appeared, it had apparently gone on its own adventure to Managua.  We knew a missing bag was a real possibility.  D had packed essentials and a minimal change of clothes in her carry-on. But still.  All those well-considered fashion choices, all lost, at least temporarily.  I would have been equally disappointed when I was a few days away from turning sixteen. 

There was nothing more to be done, so we headed to pick up our rental car, located in an area that seemed many miles from baggage claim.  The queue at Avis stretched from one end of the enormous rental car center to the other.  This couldn’t be the line for those with reservations, could it?  Oh, yes, it was, we were quickly told by those already waiting.  Surely the queue would move quickly, H reasoned.  How long does it take to pick up a rental car once the paperwork has been completed online?  Three minutes, max! 

Apparently, for many it’s a complicated process that requires fifteen to twenty minutes of heated conversation and problematic inquiries.  From our fixed viewpoint in the queue, we took to timing the interactions between customer and agent.  H, speedily efficient in all things, was incredulous.  What in the world was going on?  What kinds of questions were people asking?  Can you explain, in detail, how to drive a car?  How does one refill the gas tank?  Where are these so-called gas stations located?  What is insurance?  Would you please review again the rules of the road?  And where is the road?  Judging from the frequent arm motions, extensive directions were being given and repeatedly misunderstood.

Other rental car agencies had no lines.  This was because they had no available cars, we learned.

An hour later, we had reached the velvet ropes that indicate the expected start of the line. When at last we approached the counter, I began timing.  H was right.  Two and half minutes later, we were on our way to pick up our car.  Surely, things were about to get better.     

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Annual Exercises in Extreme Gift Wrapping

My husband’s feats of gift-wrapping extravagance have become a Christmas tradition.   One year he wrapped presents for our daughter in oversized tubes for casting concrete.  The next he built six hinged plywood boxes that, over the course of several days, coalesced to form a star.  Last year, he enclosed gifts in a tall narrow pyramid and a circular creation suspended from the ceiling.  What would he do this year, my daughter and I wondered? 

He had to be up to something.  He couldn’t give up the practice cold turkey.  It was one that was hard to top, but harder still to stop.  In anticipation, my daughter and I decided to make the first move.  We’d gone to Sears and, with a salesman’s help, picked out a perfectly lovely “air nail gun.”  While we didn’t really know what it was, H had asked for it.  He’d written it on the official “Family Christmas List,” a piece of note paper taped to the kitchen wall. 

We began posting the list several years ago in response to an annual after-Thanksgiving conversation, probably familiar in many households.  Someone would bring up the topic of Christmas gifts.

What do you want for Christmas?

I don’t know.  I really don’t want anything.  I certainly don’t need anything.

You know we’re going to get you something.  You might as well give us some idea.

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We have to have stuff to wrap and put under the tree.  After nearly twenty years of marriage, I’ve become as dedicated a wrapper as my husband, despite being raised in a more minimalist holiday tradition.  H’s Christmas list entries typically consist of highly specialized electronics, tools or windsurfing gear for which my daughter and I can’t be held responsible; we lack the expertise.  He orders them and thanks us for our consideration and generosity.  But this year, D and I actually went to a store and came home with an air nail gun.  We weren’t sure it was the exact one he had in mind, but we kept the receipt.  The package was of medium size and weight.  We disguised it in an exceptionally long box, which we wrapped in three types of paper.  Propped in a chair next to the Christmas tree, it greeted H rather boldly when he returned home from work.  He was pleased to see that we were in the game. 

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His response began a couple of days later, when a single square package appeared by the tree.  Wrapped in shiny paper, it was marked with a large letter E.   An unassuming beginning, perhaps, but one that promised more to come.  Later that night, another foil-encased box appeared atop the first, marked with another letter.  By Christmas morning, there stood, as tall as the tree, a tower of seven packages, the letters spelling out our daughter’s name.  A simple, but impressive presentation.

What’s in the boxes, of course, is of less importance than their visual impact and the process of unwrapping them.  Some might say it’s a terrible waste of paper and not very green.  This is probably true.  But it can also be said that it’s a way of focusing more on the act of giving than on the gift itself.  In this case, our family would agree on the truth of that old adage:  It’s the thought that counts.  Our gift-wrapping is nothing if not thoughtful. 

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Kiko, on the other hand, isn’t so much into thoughtfulness or presentation, at Christmas or any other time.  For him, it’s all about the smell, and he smells treats.  What happened to his stocking?  And is there more beef stick? 

 

Our Baby Elf

One holiday activity (and chance to go overboard) is no longer available to me.  That’s dressing up my daughter in a Christmas costume and photographing her endlessly.  Over the years, my mother had outfitted most of my dolls with Christmas dresses, coats, capes, and sometimes special hats.  She was eager to transfer her efforts to our real-life baby doll when my daughter came along.  For her first Christmas, Mama made her an elf outfit out of soft fleece.  While D was, like many babies, often the contrarian, from the very beginning she was pleased to play dress-up and pose for the camera.  Here, then, some photos from fifteen years ago, of our little Christmas elf, not quite twelve months old.   

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 December 1999

To new parents, nothing says “Merry Christmas” like their baby decked out in holiday gear. 

Halloween Update

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This October, after some deliberation, my daughter decided that her trick-or-treating days were behind her.  She’d had a good long run: fourteen Halloweens of neighborhood candy collecting.  Last year a mother answering the door at one home had uttered that dreaded criticism:  Aren’t you girls a little old for this?  My daughter seethed inwardly at these words. 

It bugged me, too, I have to admit.  I’m quite happy, one night a year, to hand out treats to polite, costumed children and teenagers of all ages, shapes and sizes.  Who outgrows a love of candy, anyway?  It certainly doesn’t happen in my family.  My eighty-something father begins buying Halloween goodies as soon as they appear in stores, usually around July 5th.  He and Mama see it as their duty to make sure the Butterfingers, Snickers and Milky Ways are up to par for the kiddies.  By the time Halloween rolls around, they are quality-control experts.   

Nevertheless, there comes a time when the annual house-to-house trek becomes more of a slog than an adventure.  As with most pleasures that we outgrow, one day we wake up and know in our bones:  the payoff is no longer worth the trouble.  Facing the truth can be painful, but not facing it tends to be more so. 

Trick-or-treating, then, was out.  But my daughter has not outgrown her love of Halloween.  And this year, for the first time in recent history, the holiday would fall on a Friday.  Better yet, that Friday was an early-dismissal day that marked the end of the quarter and the start of a four-day weekend.  She refused to settle for staying home and answering the door.  She determined to celebrate Halloween, and properly.  Without trick-or-treating, but with friends, costumes, and, of course, candy. 

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For additional thoughts on Halloween and trick-or-treating age limits, see On Improving Halloween, from November 2011.

London, Revisited, Part IV: Saint Paul’s

I was looking forward to showing my daughter Saint Paul’s Cathedral, which I’d studied repeatedly in various art history courses.  D was familiar with it from her preschool years when Mary Poppins was a revered staple in our video library.   In those days, I tended to remind her, too often, that the “Feed the Birds Church” was a real, famous, enormous church in London.  Sometimes I’d show her pictures of it in my architecture books.  And if my husband were in on the viewing, he’d explain how young Michael’s tuppence, used for bread crumbs for the birds, instead of deposited into Mr. Banks’ bank could, in theory, have caused a run on the bank.  No doubt D would have preferred fewer teachable moments while she watched her movie, but that’s a burden some only children must bear. 

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St. Paul’s stands atop Ludgate Hill, the highest point in London.  A church dedicated to St. Paul the Apostle and prolific New Testament author had existed on the spot since the sixth century.  The current church replaced a large medieval basilica built in the Romanesque and Gothic styles.  Like much of the City of London, it was destroyed in the Great Fire of 1666.  At the time of the fire, a young Christopher Wren had been involved in updating Old St. Paul’s.  A network of wooden scaffolding was in place as the stone walls were being repaired.  Had the scaffolding not caught fire and ignited the wooden roof beams, portions of the medieval church might have been salvageable.  After the destruction, Wren was hired to design a grand new cathedral.  Wren rebuilt over fifty London churches, but St. Paul’s is his crowning glory, a masterpiece of the English Baroque style.   

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The highly sculptural west front of St. Paul’s, with its double temple front and twin towers. 

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Feed the birds, tuppence a bag. 

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Wren’s monumental dome drew on Italian Renaissance forerunners by Michelangelo, Brunelleschi and Bramante.

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From its earliest days, St. Paul’s has been a distinctly urban church.  Considering its location in the densely crowded City, the heart of London’s commercial district since ancient times, it could hardly be otherwise.  Seventeenth-century images of Old St Paul’s show the hilltop basilica closely surrounded by haphazardly constructed smaller buildings.  The warren of wooden homes and shops that encroached upon one another made suppressing the four-day Great Fire particularly difficult. 

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That St. Paul’s continues to be hemmed in on all sides by ordinary office buildings is therefore not surprising.  But, I wonder, do they have to be so emphatically ugly and insinuatingly pushy?  A wave of fresh disappointment hits me every time I approach the great church from a street like the one pictured above. 

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The British flair for the sweeping, spectacular vista is nowhere in evidence around St. Paul’s.  Above, a view from the Millennium bridge. 

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The Millennium Bridge and St. Paul’s from across the Thames. 

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St. Paul’s looks down on the life of the city, as it has since its completion in 1708.  Above, in Bankside near the Tate Modern, a Shrek in a silver track suit amuses pedestrians by hovering in mid-air.  Despite the labyrinth of buildings that crowd the base of the Cathedral, the dome still towers well above newer, less distinguished neighbors.  Let futuristic skyscrapers such as “The Shard” and “The Gherkin” continue to pop up, as long as they don’t blot out the vision of that iconic dome.   

London, Revisited

Arriving in London’s  St. Pancras station after a twenty-five year absence, the first of many changes that had overtaken the city since then began to wash over me like a wave.  In 1989, work on the Channel Tunnel, following decades of planning, discussion, and ongoing set-backs, was in its very early stages.  Back then it was still called the “Chunnel,” and its progress, or lack thereof, was daily tabloid fodder.  The media eagerly fanned the flames of unease about the possibility of a land link to the Continent opening up a deadly rabies pipeline.  Enormous, rambling St. Pancras had sat largely derelict.  With its brooding red-brick towers and aura of neglect, it could have been mistaken for a Victorian mental asylum.  It was gratifying to see how beautifully the station had been restored and updated to accommodate the Eurostar line.  Had it been in a U.S. city, it more likely would have met  the wrecking ball than renovation.

Emerging onto the streets of London, a less welcome transformation confronted me.  The classic, classy black cabs–those timeless Hackney carriages–where were they?  I knew they still existed, in a somewhat updated form, and in colors other than black.  But the streets outside the station swarmed with garish  purple and orange minivans.  We could have been in Cleveland.  We settled for one such vehicle to take us to our hotel on Grosvenor Square.  Oh well.

One thing that had not changed, however, was the near-anarchic state of London’s traffic, which tends to be particularly alarming upon first arriving.  Cars, motorcycles, bicycles and pedestrians are constantly darting aggressively from unexpected directions, especially at round-abouts.  About half the vehicles appear to be confused by the concept of left-side driving.  Our driver was frequently outraged at the ignorance and rudeness of others on the road.  Some things, then, never change.  In comparison, Paris’s streets were those of a sleepy backwater.

As we made our way  through the chaotic congestion, in sudden fits and stops, I caught a glimpse of the new British Library next door to St. Pancras.  When I left the U.K, it had been no more than a hazy, perhaps-some-day project.  Most of my daily dissertation research had taken place in the manuscript room of the old library, then part of the British Museum on Great Russell Street.  Less often, I worked under the vast grand dome of the historic main reading room.  The new facility, perhaps a model of sleek twenty-first century efficiency, struck me as lacking in charm.

But it didn’t matter. It’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever turn the brightly painted and gilded pages of a fourteenth-century Apocalypse again, in the new library or elsewhere.  I had abandoned my academic ties, let all those bridges quietly smolder away to ashes.  I’d come to the conclusion, as I was finishing my dissertation, that a career in college teaching wasn’t for me.  That was fortunate, since jobs in my field were extremely rare.  I have no regrets about the course my life has taken.  Do I?  No, I don’t.

But I do miss the chance to page through those amazing medieval books, written and illustrated by hand.  Their quirky images, typically more humorous than frightening, despite the accompanying text of Revelations: the dragons that resemble perky, pointy-eared dogs sitting for treats (in my mind, now, I see Kiko in every one), and the New Jerusalem descending from heaven, looking like a Gothic princess’s dream doll house.  I can point out some of the books to my daughter, although they’ll have to remain safely inside their hermetically sealed glass display cases.  See this one?  I studied it.  I had it in front of me for an entire week.  It was removed from display so I could examine it!  I think she’d be impressed.   Someday, I’ll show her.  But probably not on this trip.

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Another First Day

It’s my daughter’s first day of tenth grade.  My baby is a high school sophomore.  That would be hard to believe, if she didn’t look so grown up.  And if she weren’t regularly driving.  She got her learner’s permit at the end of June, and so far, she’s a cautious but not overly fearful driver.  She’s determined not to be like me, hesitant to drive on the “big roads,” which I define as anything with an on-ramp.

Only two more such “first days,” and then she should be off to college.  Now that is truly hard to believe.

As September rolls around, I get a bit nostalgic for the years when my daughter didn’t go back to school.  Or for those years when school meant only preschool, three mornings a week.  I like to recall crisp, sunny afternoons, when she and I had nothing more pressing to do than to wander the neighborhood in search of signs of fall.  We’d collect acorns, pine cones, and brightly colored leaves.  Some we used for decoration; others for crafts.  (See here.)  After our walk, we might spread an old quilt on the lawn and spend a couple of unhurried hours lazing there, talking, reading and snacking.

Back then, there were no hard-to-find school supplies to track down, no quandaries over which binder is better, no piles of tedious forms to complete and sign.  No back-to-school nights for H and me.  We’d already met the teachers.  We knew them.  And we had absolute confidence that if our daughter needed extra help with the curriculum, we were experts in every field of study:  we knew our ABCs, we knew how to count, and how to spell our daughter’s name.

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Afternoon on the lawn, September 2001.

This year, as D takes pre-calculus and chemistry, I’m glad I married someone whose intellectual strengths are my weaknesses, and vice versa.  Should our daughter need assistance in math and science, my husband will be on it.  I can advise on some aspects of history and English.  But we’ve learned to wait to be asked.  Both of us are very glad that we no longer have homework, and we have no interest in doing our daughter’s.

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Thinker with a sippy cup:  D in the fall of 2001.

What’s harder is not offering up certain nuggets of unsolicited advice on non-homework topics.  Sometimes we know we should keep quiet because we need to let D live her life.  Many situations are only made worse by our meddling in them.  Other times, we realize that by saying one thing, we might prompt D to do the opposite.  She’s not a rebel.  But she is a teenager.